Thursday, May 12, 2005

Oh, the drama.

As someone who works in theater, I really shouldn’t blanche at the melodrama that plays out through the course of an IUI cycle (I can only imagine the scenes that transpire while undergoing IVF). But this daily see-sawing is driving me a little crazy.

At today’s ultrasound the doc that had the probing honors was one I never saw before. He was kind and comforting; all the despair I felt yesterday evaporated, and some hope crept in. Dr. Kind came in and introduced himself and the nurse (which I always find to be professional and a nice start to the appointment. I prefer to know the name of those getting to see the inside of my uterus). He then asked, “Do you have any questions?” Five little words that put me so at ease. “Why yes, I do have a question. That 29mm follicle the doctor saw on Friday – is that the same cyst that the doc saw yesterday?” He then answered that indeed it was, that most cysts are benign, and during the exam he explained, while looking at my now 24.5mm cyst, that given my E2 levels it appears that the cyst isn’t secreting any hormones, confirmed that it does seem to be shrinking and therefore is nothing to be worried about. As for the follicles, I have one on the left that’s measuring 10.5, and a 15.5 and 10.5 on the right side. He thought I would probably trigger tomorrow night. So now the fear experienced yesterday is gone; I’m back to thinking, “Maybe this cycle really can be the one?”

Isn’t it odd that one’s outlook can change so quickly? And further, that this emotional see-saw goes on day after day throughout a cycle. The last time I felt such constant fluctuation between optimism and pessimism, between feeling good about your decision or questioning it, was in high school with the daily drama of being a teenager. Remember? Cute boy asks you out before 4th period, you say yes. By the end of 5th period you don’t know why you agreed to it and call it off. During 6th period he’s talking to another girl and you want him back. One moment you’re up, the next you’re down.

Perhaps someday periods will be less filled with angst. Until then I’ll keep visiting the playground.


Blogger K said...

Mellie - I'm glad you are feeling good about this cycle again. I never thought abou the drama being like high school, but sadly, you're right...

May 12, 2005 5:00 PM  
Blogger Suz said...

The rollercoaster ride is the hardest part of the entire infertility drama for me. I'm the type of person who likes to have things plan and known - not to have them this way drives me crazy. It's JUST like high school; like Katie, I wish it wasn't.

May 12, 2005 8:34 PM  
Blogger suzinalexa said...

Hi, found you via...oh i think julie. Wanted to ask if you could keep us updated on whether or not they really have you trigger tonight because I just went through my first IVF cycle (after 2 years of trying to get to that point) and they cancelled my cycle because my biggest follie was "only" 14. They told me they wanted them to be around 19 to harvest?

I'll be following your journey. Good luck!

May 13, 2005 11:28 AM  

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