Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Not Good

OH MY F#$%ING G-D.

Apparently the stupid bloody lab didn’t do the right test on D’s sample. So we have no freaking idea whether or not his white blood cell count is high or not. And if it is, D’s urologist says that it may be an indication that the DNA integrity is sub-par and therefore, even if ICSI worked and fertilization occurred, normal growth of the embryos might not follow.

So where are we at the moment?

We don’t know what D’s wbc count is.
If it’s bad I don’t know whether or not to try IVF right now.
I’m furious with the urologist’s office for not ensuring that D’s sample got tested properly. I’m furious with the lab for not performing the right test. I’m upset with my RE for many, many things:

1. Telling me the result showed it was still high (what was he looking at if the test wasn’t done correctly?)
2. Why does he seem to think that ICSI will solve all the problems if the urologist says differently?
3. Why, oh why, didn’t he refer D to a urologist years ago?
4. Why didn’t we ICSI some of the eggs last time?

Shouldn’t my RE and the urologist be discussing things and presenting a unified front? I tried to arrange a conference call between the two of them and D and me for today, but of course, the urologist is “in the lab this afternoon” so that isn’t possible.

And none of this takes into account what’s going on between me and D. Remember how when we first found out about D’s diagnosis I knew it was going to alter our modus operandi about how we deal with all this treatment? It certainly has. Not only am I upset about all of the above, D’s anger is probably threefold. So, who’s there to be the calming, soothing influence? No one. And when D is going off on his rant, I have to try very, very hard to not take it all personally. It’s hard for me to recognize that he’s not mad at me – even though I’m the one that chose the clinic and the RE.

But Jesus Christ – it’s Cornell. Isn’t this supposed to be one of the best places for IVF in the country? What else can I possibly do to see that we’re getting all the attention we need.

19 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I got pg during my IVF treatment cycle, it had been after going through two previous attempted cycles that got cancelled (which I believe was due to poor monitoring and errors by the nurse). So when that next cycle started up, I was very firm with my RE's office and told them that I wanted to be monitored better and that I did not want one thing to go wrong that time around! Thankfully, nothing went wrong and there was a happy ending -- May you get your happy ending as well!

April 25, 2006 2:43 PM  
Blogger Thalia said...

How incredibly frustrating. I can't believe that CORNELL of all places is giving you this runaround. Maybe they're too busy to really think this stuff through?

Keep persevering, those docs will give you the right answer if you just keep this up. Would a round-robin email help instead of the conf call?

April 25, 2006 2:55 PM  
Blogger Lut C. said...

How utterly frustrating! It's only their job. How hard can it be to pass on instructions and to follow them in the lab.

Good luck.

April 25, 2006 3:51 PM  
Blogger the waiting line said...

THAT IS BULLSHIT! I know you will stay on top of them.

April 25, 2006 3:54 PM  
Blogger MoMo said...

This is just absolutely ridiculous! How frustrating. Isn't patient care and service supposed to be their #1 priority??? Keep pushing and asking them the questions. Make sure you get the treatments and answers you deserve.

Good luck and I am thinking of you.

April 25, 2006 4:10 PM  
Blogger k #2 said...

Damn...you would think these DR's would be discussing each step along the way. Why does it seem like we have to force some Dr's to do the right thing.

Sorry for your and D's frustration. What a past few weeks you have had...

April 25, 2006 6:36 PM  
Blogger Spanglish said...

Uuf. What a muckload of shit to deal with. I'm so sorry everything is going so nuts. I hope you two catch a break, SOON.

You're in my thoughts.

April 25, 2006 6:47 PM  
Blogger Jen3 @ Amazing Trips said...

I was drawn to your blog by your Red Sox logo. And, I love that you are a Sox fan living smack dab in the middle of NY. That's just beautiful!

That aside ... I'm so sorry to hear about the crap you're going through. With the gabillion IUI's that we went through, I look back now - and all I can think is what kind of idiots were we working with?! We were dealing with the top ranking UC schools / fertility clinics and IUI was NEVER going to work w/ my husband's morphology & motility issue. (The saying "a snowball chance in hell" comes to mind). Why didn't THEY {the professionals) realize this and point us to IVF years and years sooner, before we'd spent thousands of $$ on treatment not covered by insurance?? Even when we finally went to IVF + ICSI we had stumbling blocks along the way. Lab screw-ups, early triggers, blah, blah, blah.

The point is ... it's never easy. And IF downright sucks. How nice would it be to just have a bottle of wine and a good night of passion and learn that you're pregnant after you've missed 2 periods? UGH!!! Hang in there and continue being an advocate for yourself. That's the best you can do.

April 26, 2006 12:55 AM  
Blogger sube said...

How utterly infuriating (Cornell of all places!). I'm sorry this has been such a strain on you and on D. I hope you get some answers soon.

April 26, 2006 1:21 AM  
Blogger fisher queen said...

Oh my f*&%^ing God is right. That is unbelievable. You need to start chopping heads. Make them listen even if you have to scream yell and threaten.

April 26, 2006 9:58 AM  
Anonymous lisa said...

Delurking to say I feel your pain. I am also dumbfounded that they didn't think to test your DH sooner and that they can't seem to get it right now that they have. Isn't that supposed to be a basic 101 at this point?

Also, I think you and I have the same doc at Cornell. I can't believe he wasn't more on the ball. Overall, he's a good doc and a good guy, but sometimes he's a little too blaise for my taste. Give him hell! I have learned that you have to be assertive and informed when it comes to your health - and everything else for that matter.

April 26, 2006 10:37 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

mellie- what crap. this borders on malpractice. keep hounding them for answers. i bet you could organize all of us to help you hound them as well. can you imagine all these infertiles calling and complaining on your behalf?

i hope you get some answers soon.

April 26, 2006 11:02 AM  
Blogger Donna said...

Oh no, there's nothing worse than getting conflicting information in the face of incompetence. Its understandable that you both are on edge and frustrated, which makes things doubly hard. This just sucks Mellie, I'm so sorry!

April 26, 2006 3:51 PM  
Blogger Chee Chee said...

I think you are doing everything you can to make this work. Cornell isn't supposed to be making these kinds of mistakes.

I hope that you can get one definitive answer from both doctors very soon.

April 26, 2006 6:21 PM  
Blogger N said...

What the Fuck. You are supposedly in one of the best places and still they give you this shit...I am so sorry!

Thanks for your comment on my blog yesterday. We did ICSI and still had 0 fertilization. But with frozen sperm. They apparently think that fresh goods will make a difference!

Take care and good luck to you!

Nina

April 27, 2006 1:35 PM  
Blogger UtRus said...

WTF? what a mess! push hard over there. maybe even confront your RE and really tell him you are disappointed with the service and that all your READERS OF YOUR BLOG have encouraged you to get some answers (ie, these clinics are all in competition with each other for patients - bad "word of mouth" can be harmful to them.) demand better service!!

i can understand why your husband feels super frustrated. poor guy. but all this frustration hopefully will result in you guys getting better care. perhaps at another clinic. you're "lucky" you live where you do, where there are so many options. you know, sometimes, when you show up with records of your messed up cycles and your complaints about another clinic, they seem to pay EXTRA special attention to you at the new place - like they want to do better than the other guys did.

ps..
this is my first visit to your blog. i will definitely be back to check on how things are going.

April 27, 2006 6:12 PM  
Blogger Kris said...

This is my first visit to your blog, too... I liked the quote from Ordinary People you left in the comments on the Fertile Soul.

What a crappy situation- as if the whole experience it isn't stressful enough already. I hope things resolve themselves quickly.

April 27, 2006 6:24 PM  
Blogger Mony said...

Can't. Even. Speak.

Why Mellie? WHY???

April 27, 2006 9:28 PM  
Anonymous mish said...

geez, I think we have the same RE and urologist, literally. Well, I should say EX-RE and EX-urologist. So sorry for the fuck-ups. I hope things get better!

April 28, 2006 10:32 PM  

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