Wednesday, March 22, 2006

New Protocol – New World Order

Well, today is cycle day 1. I start bcps tomorrow. D started anti-biotics, as prescribed by the urologist, today. As of now, I think once he has completed the course of the anti-biotics, it’s fine for us to go ahead and do IVF-ICSI. He’s got other issues, apparently, that have to be addressed, but the urologist thought it fine for us to proceed as previously planned. This, of course, really only leaves me with an additional thing to worry about: namely that the antibiotics fix it so ICSI will work. Really, I’m not going to feel good about this cycle until I get a good fertilization report.

And that seems a long way off right now. I’m supposed to take the pill for 28 days, much longer than I expected. I’m to take only the active pills – so skipping the placebo ones for the last week and instead using a new pack. When I move to the new pack I start injecting the Lupron. Then wait the 10 – 14 days for my period to show up, then go in for my day 3 scan to make sure all is well so that I can FINALLY start stims again. So retrieval (knock on wood) is probably due to be the second week of May. MAY for Chrissakes! Oy.

Over the last few days I keep vacillating between thinking that the doctor will be able to fix what ever it is that has prevented us from conceiving for the last 3 years and that maybe we’d actually now be able to conceive without, gasp, medical help to thinking that ICSI isn’t going to work and why are we moving forward at all.

Having suddenly found causes of our infertility has caused us to look at everything differently. Whereas last week I was proud of myself for going to acupuncture and starting to exercise again, now I’m thinking – none of this even matters. On the other hand, D is feeling, and I quote, “misshapen and deformed” and he hasn’t even been told that there’s something structurally wrong with him. Body image problems are NOT just for females.

We leave for Monterey, California on Sunday for our much-deserved vacation and I so hope that D will be able to forget all this stuff and enjoy it. I’m sure that as long as he’s happy, I’ll be happy. Plus, I get to have lunch with the beautiful, intelligent Donna and meet her person! If anyone else out in the Monterey area wants to meet up, e-mail me!


Blogger MoMo said...

Good luck on this cycle...I only hope the best for you. Hopefully the antibiotics will help and the IVF-ICSI will be successful. I will keep positive thoughts for you guys!

In the meantime, have a great time on your vacation...enjoy the sun and the water...I am originally from I am very jealous with your upcoming trip.

March 22, 2006 5:33 PM  
Anonymous Lori said...

I'm certainly hoping for the best for your upcoming cycle. I'm sorry to hear that your husband is having a hard time with the latest developments and I hope the antibiotics improve the situation for him.
Enjoy your vacation - it sounds wonderful and very much deserved.

March 22, 2006 7:41 PM  
Blogger Sheryl said...

Good luck Mellie!!! May will be here before you know it. Enjoy your well deserved vacation as well :)

March 22, 2006 9:03 PM  
Blogger Donna said...

I can hardly wait for next week! I'm sorry all of this has been so hard on both of you, diagnosis is a big double-edged sword. You're doing everything you can to be successful, but some things are not under your control. Hopefully your vacation will be just the thing to relax you so you can get pregnant on your own. *wink*

March 22, 2006 9:07 PM  
Blogger the waiting line said...

Good luck and enjoy your vacation!!!

March 23, 2006 10:16 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

men can have such fragile egos, can't they? it is the same when they crow about knocking us up.

i hope your vacation is relaxing and mends your husbands spirit about the developments.

it will pass with time.

March 23, 2006 10:56 AM  
Blogger Lut C. said...

Good luck with this cycle, enjoy your holiday. I hope it takes your mind of things. You're moving forward with this because you're not ready to call it a day yet.

March 23, 2006 1:34 PM  
Anonymous amber said...

Just delurking to say, "Wow if anybody needs a vacation it's you guys. Have a wonderful trip."
I live in the Bay Area and have met Donna. TWICE! Yes, doubly blessed am I cuz she's just super. Travel well.

March 23, 2006 2:58 PM  
Blogger Larisa said...

I hope that the antibiotics and the ICSI are the answers for you. May seems so far away, but know I will be reading and rooting wholeheartedly for you all the way.

Have fun on your vacation - Monterey is so lovely and calm.

March 23, 2006 7:08 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

I'm hoping for the best with your upcoming cycle and hope you can both enjoy your vacation.

March 24, 2006 9:39 AM  
Blogger fisher queen said...

I'm wishing you good things for this cycle too and that stims were a little closer...waiting is so freaking hard.

March 24, 2006 12:21 PM  
Blogger Thalia said...

I hope the vacation is lovely, it's such a beautiful place. I've read back but can't see if you've told us what's the exact issue w your husband? In any case I hope the antibiotics and the ICSI do the trick.

March 24, 2006 4:56 PM  
Anonymous InSpring said...

Well the second week in May is a long way off but, the important thing is that they're giving you all of the treatment you need to optimize your chances and that you have each other.

Give Donna a hug for me and ask her to give you a hug from me. Both of you have given me such wonderful and meaningful support.

March 25, 2006 9:30 PM  

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