Friday, July 08, 2005

Fragile - Handle With Care

As I mentioned previously, I went home last weekend for my parents 120th birthday bash on July 4th. It was a lovely day and 75+ of our family’s friends and relatives came to celebrate the day. This included my friend who gave birth to her first in April (after a year and a half of trying, going thru IUIs galore, 1 miscarriage and has PCOS), with son, lots of cousins 9 and under, and many, many relatives who care deeply about me. All of who know that I’ve been trying to get pregnant for a freakin’ long time.

So I don’t know if it was my own discomfort around infants and children, or adults discomfort around me, but I had a vague sensation of everyone treating me like glass. As though I have the words "Fragile- Handle With Care" stamped on my forehead. I’m not proud to admit it, but they probably have to do so because I really can break down easily. One of my father’s oldest friends told me how he knew we’ve been trying, and how frustrating it must be when you were so careful for so long. And he went on to say that he hopes it happens soon because he knows I’ll be a great mother. I didn’t know how to react. I’m sure I said “thank you” but what else was there to say? Another cousin, while I was explaining why we’ve put our move to Maine on hold, mentioned that she didn’t have her youngest until she was 40; more proof that I’m young and shouldn’t worry and should relax, blah-blah-blah.

I guess I just found it difficult to socialize – even though I knew everyone there – because at these kinds of functions everyone you see asks you “What’s new?” and all my heart feels is “Nothing’s new. Still not pregnant.” Thank goodness I’m moving into a new apartment, because without that conversation topic I don’t know what I would’ve talked about with anyone.

Anyway, I just want to wish everyone (Donnie, Suz, Bugs, Katie ) that’s currently cycling success. Since there’s no chance of my getting pregnant this month, I’m counting on you all to bring forth good news.


Blogger Suz said...

Thank you, Mellie!

I don't think that there's any way to get around communal gatherings; either they treat you like glass (your family) or are completely insensitive and excitedly discuss your sister's pregnancy right in front of you (my family). Either way, it takes a lot of energy and strength to get through, proof of yet one more thing that infertility takes away from us.

July 08, 2005 9:52 PM  
Blogger Em said...

I feel like any news I have is just boring and until I can tell people that I am pregnant, nothing really matters.

July 09, 2005 4:26 PM  
Blogger K said...

Thank you sweetie! My family is kept in the dark to avoid one of two scenarios. Those being what your family does and from the sounds of it, Suz's. It's sad that the people who love you the most are often the least equipped to support you at a time like this.

July 09, 2005 7:01 PM  

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