Where Do I Go From Here?

Officially I’m 4 weeks, 2 days pregnant. Holy. I don’t really know what to do with that fact! I felt so informed and knowledgeable about the ttc process, and the various ARTs – but what do I do for the next (knock on wood) 9 months? I’m surprised that I feel so hopeful and sure. I expected to have much more anxiety. Granted, I worry about bad things going down, but NBHHY and I have no reason to expect it to.

I’ve been lucky with this IVF cycle. It seems to have gone according to textbook. I haven’t had any spotting or bleeding (again, knock on wood). Any symptoms I had I thought/think are really progesterone side effects: bad abdominal cramping and gassiness, mainly. I’ve been hungrier than usual, but I think that just might be psychosomatic.

Monday, while I was waiting and waiting and WAITING for the phone to ring with the results, I had worked myself up into thinking it hadn’t worked. That day I started having bad menstrual-type cramps. I had maybe had a couple here and there over the previous weekend, but on Monday they arrived in full force. When the nurse finally called after 4pm, I honestly was scared. It would have been much better if she had started the conversation of with a “Congratulations!” Instead the call went something like this:

Me (knowing exactly who was calling thanks to the wonderful technology of caller ID – and thankfully in my office alone since my assistant had stepped out for an appt): Hello?

Nurse: Is Melanie available?

Me: This is. (Simultaneously thinking –“Just tell me – tell me – yes or no? tell me!!!!”)

Nurse: Hi Melanie, I’m……..calling……….from………Cornell…….with………the……..results……….of……………your………….pregnancy…….….test. A long pause for response.

Me: Okay.

Nurse: Well………….your…………..HCG………… came………. Back…………..at ………………251. Which is a nice high number, so congratulations!

Me: (In a fair amount of disbelief) Thank you! Thank you!

The nurse then went on and gave me the estadiol and progesterone levels – which I wasn’t expecting at all. And she mentioned how the progesterone level was good, but on the high side so she was going to check with my doctor to see if I should reduce my nightly PIO dosage. She then asked who my doctor was and when I told her she said:

“I can’t believe it. He’s going to be SO mad that I called another one of his patients.” I then offered to pretend that she hadn’t called me – and secretly I’m glad the nurse called, because I had it in my head that a nurse would be calling if it was good news and my doctor if it was bad.

So, what’s next? I called my doctor’s assistant and scheduled an appointment for Friday, June 2 for a blood draw and my first pregnancy ultrasound. On Tuesday I’ll have another blood draw to make sure the numbers are doubling appropriately. After that, I don’t know what to do.

D is doing okay. He wasn’t particularly lovey-dovey or excited by the good news. He’s “happy that I’m happy” and I’m sure he’s majorly relieved that he doesn’t have to deal with a mopey Mel in his state – and that it finally worked. But as for the being excited about the result in itself – not so much. And that’s okay. You all are so sweet and encouraging with your kind comments, that it makes me feel supported. As have my real-life friends and parents who are thrilled beyond words.

Thanks for sticking with me this far. I hope all you fellow IFs who are currently pursuing treatment or are continuing to reach this moment soon.