Been Meaning to Write This Post Forever....
Knowing that this affliction has been around since the beginning of Judaism did not make me feel better. What was particularly troubling, was knowing that I had done the same thing year after year. Thalia & Mony wrote about this also – how these yearly rituals which inherently mark the passage of time, are more difficult for us, the infertiles. And while I am so happy and elated to be where I am right now (28 weeks, 4 days), I still remember the ache and fear the pain associated with years of infertility.
In the Rosh Hashana service there’s a line translated that made me cry last year, and when I read it again this year, all the frustration and sadness came rushing back. Hannah’s husband says to her: Why do you weep? Why do you not eat? Why is your heart sad? Am I not worth more to you than ten sons?
To me, that was exactly what my problem was. My heart was sad. And I could never explain to D why I couldn’t be happy with just him.
I so wish for all of you still suffering trying to conceive, that next year your hearts aren’t sad.