Sunday, January 21, 2007

Ninth Inning.

I may or may not be in early labor. It’s 4:18am and I’ve been up for 2 hours, experiencing cramping/contractions frequently enough to prevent me from sleeping. This is kinda crazy. (4:20 – contraction.)

I’m sorry to have kept those of you who keep checkin’ in on me without an update for so long. I’ve been quite fortunate that the pregnancy has progressed without any problems (knock on wood). Last Thursday my OB told me I was completely effaced and 1cm dilated and could “go at anytime.” I was NOT prepared for that –I had been counting on my 3 day MLK Jr. long weekend to get things in order. So, I negotiated with the baby, asked for one more week and got that. If this is indeed the real thing, I’ll be a week early, but now at least I’m feeling more mentally prepared.

D still isn’t so into the pregnancy. Over Christmas vacation I half-jokingly asked him “Won’t you love the baby?” and he replied “I’m sure I’ll love the baby; I just don’t know that I’ll love being a parent.” Hearing that distinction was a minor epiphany for me – I finally understood somewhat where he is coming from. I’ve known all along that all he can really see is what changes and sacrifices lie ahead for us; what I’m betting is that he is discounting the vast amount of love he’ll feel for the child and what that will bring him in return.

If this isn’t early labor and I’m just unable to sleep, I have one more week of work before I go on maternity leave. (4:29 – contraction.) I’ve arranged to be off completely through Memorial Day, and then return part-time for the summer. I’ve been training my cover for the past 2 weeks and really like her. We could probably use another week, but if it’s not to be than it’s not to be. I don’t know whether or not I will go back to work. I’m quite fortunate that I do not need to financially, and my boss has made it clear that he knows I may decide not to return. I just know that I have no idea what being a mother is going to be like, so I just want to wait and see.

I’ve hired a doula to assist me in the labor. I know I’ve paid her to be on-call, but I’m hoping I don’t have to call her before the sun rises! I haven’t woken D up yet either – figuring one of us with some sleep would be better than none.

Pregnancy is weird. I’ve gained 30lbs. What I didn’t expect was this feeling that appeared around 34 weeks of having (4:39 – contraction) this hard, bone-filled thing sitting at my mid-line. For some reason, I just always imagined it as soft and fleshy. I’ve kept myself in pretty good shape though – attending pre-natal yoga classes 2x per week generally and eating mostly healthfully.

About this labor thing, though. My intention is to try and get through it without drugs. I suppose because it seems to be healthier for the baby, but also because I don’t want to do anything that interferes with or impedes the progress of the labor. I am pretty confident that my body knows what it’s supposed to do; whether or not I’ll be able to withstand the pain without an epidural though is a different question. I’m not willing to close off all my options.

So here I am. Last MKL Jr. weekend I started Lupron for my first IVF cycle. The result of the second try is, g-d willing, about to be born into this world. The thought of it is enough to make me weepy. Granted, since Friday night my emotions seem to be (4:48 – contraction) easily triggered. I got upset and weepy when D moved my birthing ball from the living room; I got upset and weepy when D made a joke about being worth more dead since on Friday he increased his life insurance; and for the last week every time I listen to the song “What Sarah Said” by Death Cab For Cutie I get tears in my eyes.

I know I really should try and sleep, but having these contractions – which mostly feel like REALLY REALLY REALLY BAD menstrual cramps every 10 minutes isn’t conducive to sleep. The way they already feel make me pretty sure that there will be some vomiting and nausea as I go through this process.

I had this grand plan of baking brownies while in early labor to take to the hospital to, you know, bribe the nurses to be nice to me (and as an homage to Dramalish). I suppose 6am seems like the appropriate time to start something like that. My parents are in NH at the moment and (4:57 – contraction) that would mean a 7 hour drive for them to get here instead of the 4 from Boston. How soon do I call them? Can this really be it? It’s not like anything else I’ve felt….

I’m scared. And anxious. And excited. And have no idea what lies ahead. Thanks for tuning in and know that I wish you all happiness.


Blogger Mony said...

I go to sleep tonight with you secure in my thoughts Mellie.

....on the brink of something utterly wonderful!

Can't wait to hear the joyous news!

January 21, 2007 5:55 AM  
Blogger Thalia said...

Mellie I will be thinking of you all day. I hope it goes as easily as it can.

January 21, 2007 7:21 AM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

Good luck Mellie!

January 21, 2007 9:11 AM  
Anonymous Lori said...

I am thinking of you and hoping all goes well today. Good luck!!

January 21, 2007 10:03 AM  
Blogger EJW said...

It sure sounds like labor to me. I hope it all goes smoothly and easily and quickly for you.

January 21, 2007 12:53 PM  
Anonymous Mollywogger said...

Holy crap!

See you on the flipside, you three.

January 21, 2007 1:10 PM  
Blogger Donna said...

Hoping everything is going well for you! Can't wait to hear the news from the other side. xoxo

January 21, 2007 2:03 PM  
Anonymous susie said...

I've been thinking of you and wondering how things are going. Sounds like you're almost there. Can't wait to hear how it goes -- all good luck to you.

January 21, 2007 2:17 PM  
Anonymous Pange said...

Good luck! :)

January 21, 2007 3:09 PM  
Blogger MoMo said...

Good luck and I will be thinking of you all day. Be prepared for the most intense love affair you will ever experience!!

January 21, 2007 4:26 PM  
Blogger lucky #2 said...

OMG girl...this is it!! I love that you are updating us all while in the midst of contractions. I was getting excited just reading your post.

Your DH sounds EXACTLY like mine before our daughter arrived. Funny how the first minute he saw her all his fears flew out the window and now he says he can't imagine his life without her.

Good luck and I can't wait to hear the birthstory (and please don't make us wait too long!) :)

January 21, 2007 5:55 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

looks like your contractions are 9 minutes apart and you are going to be a momma very very soon. I am glad to finally hear that all is well with you. don't keep us waiting too long to share the story of the birth. my thoughts are with you! congratulations!

January 21, 2007 6:10 PM  
Blogger Dramalish said...

Oh Mellie, darling Mellie.

I hope we won't have to wait too long to share in your joy. I'm bubbling over thinking about you meeting your little one.

Huzzah! Home run!!!!!

January 22, 2007 12:37 AM  
Blogger DeadBug said...

Looking forward to more news...

January 22, 2007 12:46 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Mellie!!! I have been looking for an update FOREVER! I so hope you have the labor and delivery you want. can't wait to hear about the new person!

January 22, 2007 10:52 AM  
Blogger Hopeful Mother said...

Mellie - I am so excited for you both. Wishing you all the best for an easy and healthy delivery for momma and baby!!!

So wonderful to hear from you!

January 22, 2007 11:50 AM  
Blogger electriclady said...

So excited for you, Mellie! Hope all goes smoothly and looking forward to getting the BIG news!

January 22, 2007 2:54 PM  
Anonymous elnette said...

I'll be looking forward to reading your next mail. Wow, what a journey..Congratulations

January 22, 2007 3:52 PM  
Blogger the waiting line said...

hooray!! so happy to hear from you. hope you are doing well and, if it's labor that you're in, I wish you a speedy, uneventful labor!

January 22, 2007 3:54 PM  
Anonymous kittylover said...

I have been checking your blog obsessively for an update! I wish you all the best in your labor and wondering if you're at the hospital now! If you do feel you can't take the pain there is no shame in an epidural! it is a wonderful thing IMO and actually helped me progress rahter than hindered. can't wait to hear a further update!

January 22, 2007 5:47 PM  
Anonymous Z said...

OMG! i check in daily since way back in nov. and finally get to read the great news! CONGRATS! you're almost there. i just cannot wait to hear the wonderful news of you holding your baby!!!

January 22, 2007 10:41 PM  

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