Saturday, February 11, 2006

CRASH.

The good news:

- I don’t have to worry about the pio shots.
- I can drink alcohol.

Ummm, that’s all I can come up with.

The retrieval yesterday actually went just fine. We got to the hospital at 8am as instructed, and D got called in to do his thing around 9:15. My turn didn’t actually come ‘til after 11am. They got 17 eggs. 17 - a nice prime number. It’s how old I was when D & I first kissed – 17 years ago Monday night. Sure, I was terribly crampy and uncomfortable afterwards, but there was no bleeding and it all seemed good.

Then at 10am this morning I got a call from my RE. Not from the nurse with the fertilization report and my transfer day – but from my RE directly. NONE of the 17 fertilized, not a one. They can’t explain it – the eggs looked good, D’s numbers were great so they left them to unite. They didn’t use ICSI on any of them because it didn’t appear to be needed. But apparently it was.

So the last 4 weeks or so have all been for naught. It’s as if I’ve spent these last months training for a triathalon only to end up with a DNF. It’s little consolation that I was ahead of the pack during the swimming and even the bike part seemed to be going my way. But when it was time to switch to the running, I crashed hard. The result was I could no longer compete and had to withdraw from the race.

I know there are more races to enter, but this was the medal I really wanted.

37 Comments:

Anonymous kittylover said...

oh gosh...I am so sorry...I have been checking here regularly and had such high hopes for this procedure for you. I hope they can determine the cause, or try ICSI if you're up for another go...

-A

February 11, 2006 2:20 PM  
Blogger P. said...

Oh no... damn, damn, damn Mellie! I am so sorry that this happened.

February 11, 2006 2:20 PM  
Anonymous kimberly said...

ARRGGGGGGHHHHH! I'm so sorry!

February 11, 2006 3:57 PM  
Blogger Mony said...

Mellie, darling Mellie. I am absolutely gutted. That post was written with such composure, I don't even know how you put two sentences together. This is so unfair. So Fucked up. All that preparation....damn this bumpy IF road. Damn it to HELL! Ah, reality sure does know how to pack a punch. Or 17.
So, it's ICSI next time...next time. Back in the saddle sweetheart and may g-d grant me half of your bravery if I face a similar outcome this week. I bloody well love you woman. Now, go hug your husband. I'm going to hug mine. Can't fucking believe this...Sorry about all the foul language. Fuck.

February 11, 2006 4:05 PM  
Blogger Suz said...

Oh how horrible, how completely horrible. I remember how crushed and betrayed I felt after we retrieved only three after seeing 14 on the ultrasound. I can't imagine ..... and I'm sorry that you have to go through this.

February 11, 2006 4:48 PM  
Blogger Kellie said...

Oh, how awful. I cannot imagine the heartache that you must be feeling right now.

Hugs.

February 11, 2006 5:49 PM  
Anonymous Boulder said...

Your post shows complete grace in an unbelievably shitty situation. I'm so very sorry.

Take good care of your self. You deserve cases of fine wine after that call....

xoxo

February 11, 2006 6:02 PM  
Blogger Lut C. said...

Not one from 17, how can that be?
That's absolutely devastating. I'm so sorry. I just don't know what else to say.

February 11, 2006 6:15 PM  
Blogger Larisa said...

Oh no. I am so sorry. I don't even know what to say. 17 was such a good number. Thinking of you.

February 11, 2006 7:43 PM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

Oh, Mellie, I'm so so sorry.

February 11, 2006 8:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm really, really sorry. It's just so stinkin' unfair.

Hang in there.

Moogielou

February 11, 2006 8:17 PM  
Blogger Larisa said...

oh Mellie - I just read your comment on my blog. My husband was in the room when I read your post, and I said immediately..."that's it - we're doing ICSI..."

I'm just in disbelief. I can't imagine how you must feel.

February 11, 2006 8:22 PM  
Blogger Pamplemousse said...

Not even rescue ICSI when it looked bad?? I am so shocked at the way things have gone with this cycle, Mellie.

You did a great job producing eggs and hopefully this terrible experience can give you and your husband and clinic more info on your eggs and sperm to sort it out for next time. It is certainly a sign that something has gone wrong. I am very, very sorry.

February 12, 2006 7:05 AM  
Blogger fisher queen said...

Why didn't they ICSI? I don't understand that. I'm so sorry!

February 12, 2006 1:28 PM  
Anonymous Mary Scarlet said...

Oh no, I'm sorry that this happened.

February 12, 2006 2:40 PM  
Anonymous Lori said...

I'm so sorry. What a crap hand you've been dealt. I'm thinking of you.

February 12, 2006 2:48 PM  
Anonymous thalia said...

Oh mellie this is just horrible, I'm so sorry. From 17 to none is ridiculous. How incredibly disappointing. I hope you've been drowning your sorrows. I wish I could buy you a drink to commiserate. Shit.

February 12, 2006 2:53 PM  
Blogger Spanglish said...

What a nightmare.

Lost cycles, for whatever reason, are almost tragic. It's so demoralizing to go through so much torture for nothing.

You're on my mind.

February 12, 2006 4:46 PM  
Blogger Donna said...

Completely devastating. I don't know if the composure that resounded from the post was just self-preservation or not...I would be completely over the top. Thinking of you.

February 12, 2006 5:15 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

I'm so sorry!!!

February 12, 2006 5:46 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

oh no, so so sorry. damn.

February 12, 2006 5:55 PM  
Blogger k #2 said...

Oh Mellie. Damn, damn, damn! I am so sorry.

February 12, 2006 7:40 PM  
Blogger Dramalish said...

I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry that you must be subjected to such disappointment and pain.

Wishing you love and light from CA.
-D.

February 12, 2006 7:58 PM  
Blogger art-sweet said...

That. Sucks.

BigDonkeyButt.

Not that it's what you want to be thinking about right now, but it seems to be they really ought to cycle you again w/o charge.

February 13, 2006 11:17 AM  
Blogger zhl said...

Oh, Mellie, how horrible and devastating for you. I'm so, so sorry.

February 13, 2006 11:31 AM  
Anonymous Jen said...

I am so tremendously sorry. That just sucks.

February 13, 2006 12:11 PM  
Anonymous Molly said...

What?! Oh my God.

I'm so sorry, Mellie. That is just mind-blowingly awful.

February 13, 2006 12:28 PM  
Anonymous MichelleL said...

Oh, Mellie. I am so sorry to hear this news. Very important information is so dearly earned in this game.

Healing vibes to you and your DH.

February 13, 2006 3:03 PM  
Blogger Sheryl said...

{{HUGS}} Oh Mellie I'm so so so so so sorry :(

February 13, 2006 4:17 PM  
Anonymous Shy Lurker said...

Oh.My.God. I am so sorry.

February 13, 2006 4:35 PM  
Blogger Millie said...

I'm so very, very sorry. This is just awful.

I hope that this at least gives more info for next time.

Wish I could send a drink over to you.

February 14, 2006 2:03 PM  
Blogger Fertility Faux Pas said...

I can't believe this happened, Mellie. I'm shocked. Have they explained to you why they didn't use ICSI? I'd be very interested to hear what kind of bullshit logic they had behind that.

I'm terribly sorry this happened to you. It is completely unfair. I'm thinking about you and hoping that better things come your way soon.

February 15, 2006 8:18 AM  
Blogger Jamila said...

oh, Mellie. This sucks! I'm so sorry, I was so hopeful for you!

February 15, 2006 12:31 PM  
Blogger April said...

So incredibly sorry.

February 21, 2006 12:57 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

oh no... My heart breaks for you. That is such a sad piece of news, especially getting so many eggs. My very deepest of condolences.

February 26, 2006 11:08 PM  
Blogger Beagle said...

It's enough to make you scream . . . I am so very sorry.

March 13, 2006 8:50 PM  
Blogger MC said...

I'm so sorry. It's so unfair.

March 14, 2006 11:17 PM  

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