Wednesday, May 31, 2006

5w2d If HCG Is To Be Believed

I’m still pregnant.

Today’s blood draw showed an HCG level of over 11,000, which calculates as a doubling time of 1.65 days (or 39.6 hours). PHEW.

I guess I’m doing okay. For most of the past week, I’ve been really, really happy. I spent the weekend in Boston with my family, and my parents are really, really – bursting from the seams - happy. I’ve shared the news with them obviously and my brothers, and my closest girlfriends who all knew the IVF schedule. D’s told his best friend and that’s it.

What’s surprised me the most is how optimistic and positive I am about this turning out okay. Perhaps it shouldn’t be a shock, as before I encountered infertility I was a glass-is-half-full kind of girl. So while I’ve been qualifying any talk of due dates or later stages of pregnancy, I’ve found it much easier than I ever anticipated using the “p” word. I think I’ve been waiting SO long that now that I can I almost always do.

On the other hand, I’m not without worry. Last night I woke up at 3:30am for my typical bathroom trip and couldn’t fall back asleep. I tossed and turned convinced that the few symptoms I do have (bloated abdomen, gassiness, hungry alot) had disappeared and that today’s blood draw would show bad things. Part of my fear may be because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Thalia (if you haven’t already shown her some love and support, please click on over), and how none of this is fair or logical or makes any sense. And part of the fear is because I am so much more aware than I would have been if I’d conceived three years ago of all the terrible, terrible things that can happen.

So, overall, I’ve just been waiting patiently for someone or some sign to give me the all clear to move ahead. I’ve been too superstitious to call my ob/gyn for that first appointment and I haven’t yet called my mother-in-law or sister-in-law with the news. I think that, if, knock on wood, Friday’s ultrasound is promising than I can proceed.

While I was in Boston, I visited with one of my closest friends whose son will be 2 in July. Her husband cooked me a fabulous meal and they admitted that they were completely excited about my pregnancy and wanted to talk all about it. It was fascinating, because I’d always heard that once you’re pregnant every woman wants to regale you with the stories of their pregnancy – and here I was, a mere 4 weeks 4 days “with child” and already they were treating me differently. It really was like they’d been dying for me to get admitted to their fancy-country club and now that I had they couldn’t wait to talk about how perfect the water in the pool always is and which cabana boys they prefer.

I was a bit at a loss. I was so grateful for their enthusiasm and joy, but I don’t think they’ll ever understand how this is going to be a different experience for me. I told them how my first ultrasound is Friday and my dear friend started talking about how great they are, and how she didn’t even have to undress, but just rolled the waistline down a bit. I had to smile and explain that, “yeah, um, that’s not what this one will be like.”

On the other hand, I really don’t know what this one will be like either.

23 Comments:

Blogger MoMo said...

Mellie--I am so glad to hear that you are feeling great and that everything is looking good(nice HCG level!!). And it is great how optomistic you are about this...there is nothing wrong with that--enjoy it bec. you deserve this, it's been a long journey and you are almost home!

May 31, 2006 5:42 PM  
Blogger Donna said...

I think you are right that women who struggled with IF have very different pregnancies than "normal" women. That shouldn't stop you from enjoying the joys that come along with it though! So far, everything is OK, and that's all I need to know.

May 31, 2006 9:04 PM  
Blogger Kris said...

I've been MIA for a few days- I'm not sure if I've congratulated you. I'm so happy for your good news!

May 31, 2006 9:40 PM  
Blogger GZ said...

It must be a pretty strange transition, to go from infertile to pregnant in a matter of 2 weeks. Its probably hard to for fertiles to understand all that pregnancy means to infertiles.

Congratulations, again, and I am glad you are back to your glass-is-half-full state of mind.

June 01, 2006 2:34 AM  
Blogger Pamplemousse said...

My fertile friend keeps telling me I am too "uptight about it all". I love her but I think I am going to have to kill her LOL.

June 01, 2006 8:48 AM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

I have to say, enjoy it. Even after two losses, I still tried really hard to enjoy being pregnant this time. Part of it was because it is a wonderful thing after wanting it so long, and part was because I never knew how long it would last. And worrying doesn't make it easier if something does go wrong. Not that it will. NBHHY.

June 01, 2006 10:26 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Mellie-what a great doubling rate! with those numbers i bet your ultrasound will go swimmingly on friday.

And I agree that you should enjoy your success. yes, bad things could happen, but it more likely that things will be perfect than not.

June 01, 2006 10:41 AM  
Blogger Thalia said...

Thanks for the good wishes sweetie. Let's hope I am the freak and that this doesn't happen to you. I don't expect that that will calm you down, but try. You've got one hell of a strong beta there, I hope you get a little bit of joy out of it.

June 01, 2006 11:55 AM  
Blogger UtRus said...

you're smart. i really loved your post. makes complete sense to me. glad you're feeling "unexpectedly" optimistic (your words). and why shouldn't you? keep in mind that IVF actually WORKS for some people!!!! though we spend a lot of time reading bad news on blogs and worrying for each other, there are good results out there.

keep it up! hugs

June 01, 2006 9:06 PM  
Blogger sube said...

What a great attitude you have. I'm trying to hold on to the same optimism, but I think you're doing a better job at it than I am. Good luck on Friday!

June 02, 2006 12:38 AM  
Anonymous Z said...

oh, i'm so glad to hear things are great. and being optimistic is great as well...even if it is forced sometimes. just keep telling yourself...forcing yourself to believe...YOU WILL BRING THOS BABY (or babies?) HOME!! so happy for you!

June 02, 2006 10:40 AM  
Blogger fisher queen said...

That number is unbelievable.

I know I was a total freak waiting for my first ultrasound. OK, I'm always a total freak...Yeah, this isn't the same for us at all is it? But for now, you have very very good news.

June 02, 2006 3:06 PM  
Blogger Fertility Faux Pas said...

The first trimester is soooo hard for us IF survivors, but it sounds like you have a great attitude about it. Your hcg level is awesome! Fingers crossed that your first ultrasound is everything you imagined it to be and more...

June 02, 2006 3:24 PM  
Anonymous Molly said...

Good for you, Mellie!

You are an excellent gestater.

June 02, 2006 5:26 PM  
Blogger k #2 said...

Great #s. How wonderful to be able to say ...5 w2d pregnant!!!

June 02, 2006 7:07 PM  
Blogger Millie said...

Yay for a great beta. Congrats!!

June 02, 2006 7:09 PM  
Blogger Lut C. said...

I'm glad your optimism is prevailing, comes in handy right now. :-)
I'm glad you had a good time in Boston with your family and friends.

IF is a life-altering experience. Becoming PG after IF is a bit like narrowly escaping death, I suppose. It colors your view on things.

June 03, 2006 5:47 AM  
Blogger Avonlea said...

I'm glad your doubling time is going so well. I know pregnancy after IF must be tough (I can imagine anyway), even though it feels uncertain, I hope you'll celebrate it and enjoy it too.

June 03, 2006 1:36 PM  
Blogger Mony said...

Oh. My. God. Just. Got. Home. And. Must. Lay. Down. I. Am. Bowled. Over!

MELLIE!
I am screeching! Fucking Ripper!!!!

June 04, 2006 9:56 PM  
Blogger the waiting line said...

Those numbers are certainly going strong - EXCELLENT!!

June 05, 2006 3:19 AM  
Blogger Thalia said...

Mellie how are you? Did you have the scan on friday? let us know if you're ok? ok?

June 05, 2006 1:52 PM  
Blogger Shana said...

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I run a website that lists ttc, expecting, and new parent bloggers to help us all find one another. I have added your blog to the due date listings. If you would like for me to remove the link to your blog or if I need to correct any information, please do let me know.

My website is Babes in Blogland and my email address is my3monkeys at gmail dot com.

Thank you and congratulations again!

June 09, 2006 11:19 PM  
Blogger Latonya Rock said...

what is the connection for 5w2d to HCG

Waiting for your reply

June 15, 2011 2:15 AM  

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