Monday, August 01, 2005

Still Hoping

All the silly reasons I want this cycle to be the one:

  1. Next month I’ll be living in a different part of the city, so the commute to the RE’s office will be longer.
  2. It wouldn’t matter, for procreation purposes, that D was living in San Francisco and that we only got to see each other during the weekends.
  3. I’d give birth before turning 35.
  4. I’d be pregnant for my 34th birthday.
  5. When we move into the new apartment I could think of one of the bedrooms as a kid’s room, instead of as my craft room.
  6. I’d be able to donate 3+ boxes of bravelle to someone else.
  7. I’d be able to tell my parents the good news for their anniversary.
  8. I wouldn’t have to go through the high holidays or Thanksgiving and Christmas for the 3rd year in a row not pregnant.

But the real reasons I want this cycle to be the one:

  1. I’m sick of spending money on IF treatments. I know I’m so very fortunate that I don’t have to worry about the expense, but the injustice of having to pay for conceiving a child is maddening.
  2. With D’s shipping off to the West Coast imminent (although still not specified), it’s likely that this is the last chance before IVF. And IVF is scary.
  3. I’m tired. Tired of wanting. Tired of hoping. Tired of this grind.

The IUI yesterday went fine. It was one of the more painful ones I’ve had, and I had spotting yesterday and today, which, while not unusual, is not typical for me. But this seems to be the cycle of spotting so I’m still chalking that up to my body having new and wondrous things going on inside it. I did feel all day yesterday, and today to some extent, like my ovaries had engaged in some kind of title bout; they’ve been sore and heavy but not crampy.

I just have a good feeling about this month. The Red Sox didn’t trade Manny and it sounds like yesterday was a magical day at Fenway. They’re still in first place (as Internal Spring pointed out) and that’s not a minor accomplishment. For the first time in awhile I remembered to say “rabbit, rabbit” when I woke up. I sure hope it does the trick.

9 Comments:

Blogger Spanglish said...

Your reasons aren't silly at all. They are valid -- every single one. I didn't know about the Rabbit Rabbit... I'll have to remember Tibbar Tibbar from here on out. I'm drinking a glass of wine, and I'm raising it to us that August will be our month...

August 01, 2005 8:34 PM  
Anonymous anne said...

I hope this is the cycle that does it! And your reasons are all totally justified.

August 01, 2005 8:36 PM  
Blogger Tiff said...

I just wanted to post a GOOD LUCK to you! :)

August 01, 2005 11:33 PM  
Blogger Susie said...

I hope this is the one for you. Good luck!!!

August 02, 2005 5:54 AM  
Blogger Larisa said...

Huge amounts of good luck and positive thoughts are heading your way. I think all your reasons are beyond valid.

August 02, 2005 10:24 AM  
Blogger k #2 said...

rabbit, rabbit! I haven't thought of that in a decade. Definitely hoping this is your cycle!

As a Cleveland Indians fans, be thankful for Manny staying with you! :) It made us all TICKED off when he left -- yet, we Cleveland fans usually have things to make us ticked off! :)

August 02, 2005 10:25 AM  
Anonymous Jen said...

Hoping for you, too, that this one does the trick--for so many reasons.

August 02, 2005 11:08 AM  
Anonymous thalia said...

Mellie,

All these are reasonable, sensible, compelling reasons. Don't doubt yourself, just go for it and hope - we'll hope with you!

August 03, 2005 3:31 AM  
Blogger Chee Chee said...

I think it's perfectly normal for you to want this to be it for all of the reasons you have identified. I'm hoping this time is IT for you!!

August 03, 2005 3:15 PM  

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