Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Fears

In an attempt to thwart Catastrophe I’m laying out all the things I’ve been or currently am afraid of happening during this cycle. I hope that by the same principal that stops rain from falling if you bring the umbrella this will insure a problem-free cycle. And let me state now, I fully realize that most of these are ridiculous concerns, but that hasn’t stopped them from occurring to me.

1. I had been afraid of not calling someone or not filling out some required paperwork and therefore being postponed. So far that didn’t happen, but I did forget to return my signed consent forms today (since they didn’t take them when I did bring them last week, because I need to sign the research consent form at the same time as my husband with a witness present).
2. I was afraid I’d have an ovarian cyst and be postponed.
3. I’m afraid we’re mixing the wrong dosages. (Though I confirmed with the IVF nurses today that it is indeed 1cc of dilutent for the 2 vials of Repronex).
4. I’m afraid we’re using the wrong needles.
5. I’m afraid that something happened to the refrigerator (because D seems to think it went wonky for a bit) and it ruined the Lupron and Follistim.
6. I’m afraid that D is shaking the Repronex too much instead of “gently swishing” the vials.
7. I’m worried that D will continually forget to take his Doxycycline twice per day.
8. I’m afraid that D will not be able to successfully give a sample on retrieval day.
9. I’m afraid I’ll hyperstimulate.
10. I’m afraid I won’t produce any eggs.
11. I’m afraid I’ll run out of medication or needles and be left in the lurch.
12. I’m afraid we’re injecting the drugs too late in the evening – or at not a consistent enough time.
13. I’m afraid we’ll mess up the HCG shot and I’ll end up ovulating on my own before retrieval.
14. I’m afraid I’ve forgotten to take too many of my prenatal vitamins over the last month.
15. I’m worried that none of my eggs will be fertilized.
16. I’m afraid of having no embryos to transfer.
17. I’m afraid of getting blood during the PIO shots.
18. I’m afraid I’ll have spotting or bleeding before the beta test.
19. I’m worried about taking the call from the nurse with the beta results while at work, in an office I share with my assistant.
20. I’m worried that everything will go perfectly and it’ll still fail.

I am not afraid of the needles, the shots, or the thought of it actually working.

Meanwhile, I’ve gone through two nights of stim drugs, and jeez, my thighs are not holding up like I thought they would! I don’t know why the Gonadotropins are different then the Lupron, but I got to say each of my thighs is now bruised and feeling battered. Walking is a reminder of each injection. I’m thinking about moving the shots to the abdomen, but I can’t imagine that’s going to feel less painful.

And I got the results of my real day 3 blood draw and it’s all encouraging:
E2: 16
FSH: 3.9
LH: 3.4

So, that’s something. And I’ll get a call this afternoon with today’s results and further instructions.

Everything is moving right along. There’s nothing to be scared of. Right?

12 Comments:

Blogger Fertility Faux Pas said...

Whoever referred to IVF as a "mindf*ck" hit the nail on the head. All of your fears are totally rational, but you'll find a way to power through. Your numbers look great so far, by the way. Best of luck and keep us posted...

January 31, 2006 1:46 PM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

I think I'd worried about just about every single one of them at some point or another. I'd love to tell you there is nothing to worry about, but it wouldn't stop you anyway :)

January 31, 2006 2:00 PM  
Blogger Lut C. said...

I hope writing them down gave you some relief.
Good luck with the cycle.

January 31, 2006 5:23 PM  
Blogger Spanglish said...

Good luck Mellie.

The abdomen was easier for me than the thighs.

January 31, 2006 7:50 PM  
Anonymous Lori said...

I hope getting the worries out there helped ease their burden. I've started worrying about some of the same things and we haven't even started our cycle yet!

January 31, 2006 8:54 PM  
Anonymous thalia said...

Wow, that FSH is right at the bottom of the scale. That's got to be great news - well done!

(not sure why I say well done on these things, but I think I just want someone to pat us on the back occasionally!)

January 31, 2006 9:01 PM  
Blogger Donna said...

The only advice I have is to control the things you can control. And I also found the stomach easier than the thigh.

January 31, 2006 9:08 PM  
Blogger Dramalish said...

You're doing great, Mellie. When I was doing the injections, I worried about many of the same things... did I leave that Repronex mixed too long? Did I get every possible drop out of the vial?

Hoping the worries don't tail you too long- just remember that you're doing everything you can. And I'll keep wishing you bright and beautiful success at the end of all this.
-D.

January 31, 2006 10:36 PM  
Anonymous Z said...

{{HUGS}}

January 31, 2006 10:37 PM  
Blogger Winnifred said...

all i can say is ME TOO! We're not on the same drugs - i'm not mixing mine - so i'm not stressed about that part - but that's about the only difference. OH ... and I have fears that they wont FIND sperm - since they're doing a procedure to try to find it the day of the retrieval... they told us 99% sure it'll be fine - but STILL i'm terrified!!

Anyways - just wanted to say like the others... that you're NOT ALONE!!!

February 01, 2006 3:53 PM  
Blogger Sheryl said...

Mellie all your thoughts and worries are normal. I'm sure we've all thought many of them (I know I have!). The abdomen was much easier for me than the thigh for injections. And no, there's nothing to be scared of!!

February 01, 2006 7:16 PM  
Blogger Mony said...

Melanie.......me too.
Sounds pretty normal.
You are, no doubt doing great babe!

February 02, 2006 1:35 AM  

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