Friday, January 06, 2006

Isn't It Ironic

“I don’t wish to be single in the way that I expect to wish to be childless.”

The above is a direct quote from D uttered over dinner last night. Don’t worry, I don’t want anyone to get all indignant on my behalf. It was part of an honest, hopeful, crazy conversation we had.

We were on a veritable date (dinner in a restaurant followed by the IMAX version of Harry Potter) and having a real discussion, as opposed to eating-in-silence that’s become the norm at home. I had brought up how I know he’s pretty terrified at the concept of having kids, but that in the end, I think he’ll be okay with it. As an example I pointed to how he would have been content to not get married either but because I needed it we did, and that’s turned out okay. And that’s when my lovely D hit me with the above sentence.

I heard him and I laughed. The thought of wishing to be childless is so foreign to me, that the realization that the man I love with all my heart feels it is funny. And I mean not sad-funny, but happy-funny. Because even though he doesn’t want kids himself, he’s going through this process with me now and has comforted me sufficiently through it in the past. Not because this is something he wants but because he cares about me. In some ways that makes me pretty fortunate.

After I laughed and told him that I thought his line was brilliant, I said “So, the last 2 ½ years has been a lucky reprieve for you then?” and without a second’s hesitation he responded “Yes.”

This, shockingly, sent me into a full-fledged laugh attack. The kind where no one else around you understands what’s so funny, but you have tears streaming down your face. Fortunately, it was a loud restaurant so I don’t think other diners even noticed, but I laughed and laughed for a long time in a way that I really haven’t in awhile. It’s funny, no? These last 2 ½ years, which have been hellish for me – certainly the most difficult I’ve ever experienced, have been a welcomed stay of execution for my D.

All this to say, I must be in a good place. I know there have been times when I would’ve responded to D's admissions with tears and anguish and cries of “How can we be right for one another?” or “Why don’t you understand?” Instead, the thought of IVF working has me happy that D & I are still together even though we’ve got such different desires, and hopeful that D’s reprieve will be coming to an end.


Blogger Donna said...

I guess you had to be there; I'm not sure I would have laughed at that. But, it seems you are in a good space.

January 06, 2006 4:36 PM  
Anonymous thalia said...

Yup, it is a testament to your relationship that he's been able to support you and go through this with you. I'm very glad. May he soon learn just what he's been frightened about!

January 06, 2006 5:36 PM  
Blogger Spanglish said...

I CERTAINLY would have laughed as well... and I'm glad you did.

D sounds like a great guy... he has had so many opportunities to be a dick by now, and instead he has been supportive.

The Good Guys... we're lucky.

All these ellipses... I must be drunk......... har har

January 06, 2006 5:41 PM  
Anonymous Mary Scarlet said...

It's a funny thing to be married to a man like that, isn't it? I'm in a similar boat; mine would be just as happy not to have kids. God love 'em. Like Thalia, I hope he soon gets to face his fears.

January 06, 2006 9:31 PM  
Blogger Lut C. said...

It shows you were in a good place when that conversation happened.

I can just hear my DH say something like that to me. He's not that keen on having kids either, but is being generally supportive (with some lapses).

Many men are like that, I think. And many turn into proud fathers just the same. Hopefully ours do sooner, rather than later.

It's been a while, it's good to see you blogging again, especially with such a happy story.

January 07, 2006 6:12 AM  
Blogger K said...

Husbands... they drive us crazy but you wouldn't live without them. Or would you?

I'm glad you could laugh...

January 09, 2006 4:39 AM  
Blogger Fertility Faux Pas said...

Men sure are wired differently than women, aren't they? Sounds like you two have a wonderful relationship.

January 09, 2006 11:14 AM  
Blogger Larisa said...

Hoping his reprieve indeed ends very very shortly! Though his quote may have sent me to tears, I'm glad it was funny for the two of you.

January 09, 2006 5:13 PM  

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