5 Days Til Beta

There are strange crampy feelings happening in my uterus. At least, I think it’s my uterus. It feels as it does on cd1 when my period is just beginning. On the other hand, if a doctor told me it was actually my stomach and they were gas pains I wouldn’t be shocked. But it doesn’t feel that way. It feels like the start of menstrual cramps. Which it can’t be because I’ve been dutifully inserting the lovely progesterone suppositories twice a day. Thus, I’m stuck wondering if these could possibly be those cramps that pregnant women say they felt before knowing they were pregnant. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom and check if anything’s goin’ on down there.

I just want to be pregnant. Duh!

I think because I re-read Donnie’s posts today from her successful iui experience I’m trying to will myself to have the same outcome. These are probably just psychosomatic symptoms.

I’ve been trying not to dwell on the upcoming beta (on the 15th for those of you keeping track at home). Tracking down the discontinued kohler sink I want for my bathroom as well as trying to keep up my productive-ness at work has kept me pretty busy and serves as a great distraction, as does my daily devouring of the Boston Globe Sports Page. (Can anyone believe the Sox are still in first place? It’s been such a fun season to follow so far.) And we’re going to the in-laws this weekend. So it’s not that I’m sitting around not doing anything, but damn, these cramps are making it hard to think about anything else.

Let it be known that I firmly believe that these kinds of “symptoms” are not indicative of anything - except that Hope is obviously still guiding me. The question is am I being led down the garden path?