Monday, August 08, 2005

Who Knew It Could Be This Way?

I never expected to feel this way. The feelings coursing through me are relief, excitement and happiness. After such a long wait, I didn’t realize how heavy a burden I was carrying; to have it lifted from me has freed me in an unimaginable way.

I write, of course, of becoming a homeowner. The apartment closing on Friday went smoothly enough, we were handed the keys and I couldn’t be more thrilled. Well, of course, if I were to find out next week that I was pregnant, I would be more thrilled; I imagine I would feel all those emotions I listed above threefold. But for now, as D says, I have a “two-track mind.” If I start getting sad or mopey at the sight of a newborn, D says that at least now he can switch my focus to the apartment and my face lights up again.

I have to admit, I’m in a great mood at the moment. I was more productive today at work than I’ve been in a really long time. I could concentrate on getting things done. I didn’t feel the need to go on the internet for a distraction. I didn’t check my bloglines subscription. I spent most of my work day actually doing work. Seriously, I don’t know when the last time was where I didn’t spend an hour plus surfing the web. But I feel more like my old self; I’m making phone calls; e-mailing people back; I don’t even feel the need to only veg out in front of the T.V. I mean, here it is, 10pm on a weeknight and I’m writing a blog entry. I’m just so excited!

Granted, with every twinge and flutter in my abdomen/uterus/ovaries (‘cuz honestly, I can’t tell where these crampy things are happening) my mind wonders if I have an implanted fertilized egg growing inside me. But, I’m pretty content to wait it out until the blood test on next Monday. What will be will be. And if not now, I think we may be done with all treatments until I’m covered by D’s insurance and we start IVF.

Of course, I’m so hoping that at least one of those five follicles transformed itself (with some help from D’s guys) into our child-to-be. What with everyone’s reaction being “such a big place for just the two of you” when learning about the size of the apartment, it would be extra nice. In fact, when we were doing the apartment walk-thru on Thursday night we met some neighbors, (a couple our age with a 14-month old, naturally) they said to us “And you have twins, right?” And at the closing itself the seller also referred to our twin children. I can only hope it’s a premonition of what life in the new apartment will bring.

14 Comments:

Blogger Dramalish said...

Congratulations on your new apartment! It's official, we must meet- although the plan I mentioned a while back to vist NY in Sept has sadly been scrapped.

You're doing sooo well with the waiting. What a trooper! I am seriously hoping and wishing and praying for you. When's the beta??

August 08, 2005 10:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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August 08, 2005 11:27 PM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

Congratulations on the new home!

August 09, 2005 12:02 AM  
Anonymous korin said...

Congrats on the new digs! :D here's to something else cooking :D

August 09, 2005 1:19 AM  
Anonymous thalia said...

Are you all unpacked yet? Pictures on walls? It sounds lovely, I'm so pleased the move went well. And you sound very calm for someone in the middle of the 2ww. What's your secret?

August 09, 2005 4:22 AM  
Blogger Spanglish said...

Congratulations on the home ownership -- I'm hoping for many more good things to happen for you!

August 09, 2005 8:55 AM  
Blogger Pamplemousse said...

Mellie, sounds like things are on the up and up! I love moving and the excitement of a new house. In fact, sometimes I re-arrange the furniture in rooms to pretend we have just moved!

August 09, 2005 12:56 PM  
Blogger Daren said...

Congratulations on the new home! I'm praying for you re: the waiting! Good Luck!

August 09, 2005 3:07 PM  
Anonymous Elnette said...

Congrats on your apartment and a big yay for the thrill of it all. Here's hoping for happy things all round for you.
Elnette from FF

August 09, 2005 3:16 PM  
Blogger k #2 said...

Mellie - Thanks for the post. I am certainly crossing for my fingers for you on Monday!

Congrats on the new apartment. That is such incredible news! It is also nice for you to have a POSITIVE distraction. I am getting ready for back to school and I am looking at it as a positive distraction -- pretty lame, I know!

How strange that two different people mentioned your twins -- let's pray it is a sign!

August 09, 2005 4:56 PM  
Blogger Internal Spring said...

Mellie, Ohhh I wish I had your optimism, I feel like a bitter doubtful old infertile now. Congrats on the new house and the brightening of your days. Very happy for you, I hope you find yourself on the positive side of the street real soon.

August 09, 2005 5:04 PM  
Blogger P. said...

Congratulations on your new apartment! I hope that the rest of your wait passes by quickly. In response to your earlier question on my blog... I don't expect to test for at least a couple of more days. I am not really sure when/if I ovulated this cycle and I can't bear the thought of blank white HPT staring back at me. I really think the end is around the corner...

August 09, 2005 6:18 PM  
Blogger Donna said...

Two people mentioned twins? There's something afoot I say. You sound so positive! You are my hero today.

August 09, 2005 11:47 PM  
Blogger Jamila said...

congratulations!!!

August 11, 2005 5:50 PM  

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