Are You There, G-d? It's Me, Melanie.

I think my last post might have been a touch dramatic. Of course, I was wholeheartedly, completely devastated by the news that the IUI didn’t take. And I really don’t have any hope of another IUI working if that one didn’t. But the future of which I dream, filled with family outings and carpooling children to various activities is still possible. I do believe that some day, some how I will be a parent. It’s just taking much more time and effort and expense than I ever would have thought.

I spent the last week dealing with apartment stuff and didn’t have time to blog about what I was feeling. Besides the depression and sadness that came with the news, I was also quite angry. Not at the world but at my sister-in-law and her husband. You see, last weekend we went to visit D’s family and when we arrived at his mother’s house we learned that his sister, whom I shall call Mary, and her husband (“Joseph”) were not joining us as expected since they had just received that afternoon the results of their post-coital test and it wasn’t good.

A little background: Mary, age 36, and Joseph, 41, married in March of 2004. They have been trying to have a child ever since. Mary has talked about becoming a mother since she was a kid herself. Before she met Joseph she had a plan to adopt on her own. Mary & Joseph met at church. They are devout Catholics. In fact, Mary converted to Catholicism on her own when she was 13 (D’s dad is Jewish – though really he’s an atheist, D’s mom is Episcopalian Protestant).

Now, when D’s mother explained to us that Mary’s tests hadn’t shown any problems, but the post coital indicated there may be something sub-optimal with Joseph, I started ranting about how the post-coital test isn’t a clear indication of anything, how my RE doesn’t even use that test anymore, blah-blah-blah. I really wanted to know if Joseph had had a semen analysis. I knew he wouldn’t do it the traditional way because of his religious beliefs, but Mary had mentioned in the past that they could have sex with a special condom that had a hole in it and bring in the sample that way. But as it turns out, they haven’t had luck getting a sample to be tested. So how can they know for sure if there’s a problem with Joseph’s sperm or not?

We listened to their impassioned explanation about how they believe G-d believes that sex should only occur if it’s both unitative (husband and wife together) and procreative (the possibility of pregnancy exists). I cannot begin to tell you how infuriated this made me on so many levels!

Mostly, I think I’m angry because I so desperately want a diagnosis. Unexplained infertility is not cutting it for me. Doesn’t there HAVE to be a reason for why I can’t get pregnant? And so to know these two people, who could possibly find a reason for why they’ve yet to produce a child, not do everything they can to determine why is maddening. Particularly when what is involved is jacking off into a cup. Not surgery, not drugs just a freakin’ orgasm. Come on!

Granted, should they learn that there is a problem with Joseph’s sperm, they wouldn’t take advantage of iui (and certainly not ivf) so I can see why it’s almost a moot point. But then I get pissed off that they find themselves in our situation, that they’ll be entitled to the same sympathy as me and D, because they could do something about it and I can’t. And I so, so want to have something to do about it - besides just trusting in G-d, I mean.